All Articles by Atari

4161 Articles

Barnsong

Once upon a time, people set certain short themes as their startup and shutdown sound effects in Windows. This is one that I used to have for a while, featuring Don Knotts.

Milk: “It’s a Health Kick” (circa 1989)

Drink milk! It’ll make you sexy!

Midas: “Foreign Car Brakes” (circa 1992)

Remember when foreign cars were still “exotic” and you had to take your Toyota or even a Daewoo to a specialty mechanic? Midas didn’t care where the car came from!

The Many Deaths of Barney The Dinosaur: Barnmmpr

I found these floating around AOL back in in the mid-1990s, perfect entertainment for a 12-year-old with a chip on his shoulder! If anyone can help me track down the original creator, please let me know!

Twister!

Teenage lovers Bill and Joanne try to survive a severe weather encounter that starts to sound suspiciously like the plot of the 1996 box office smash, Twister. (RIP Bill Paxton)

This is a novelty piece in the old “break-in” style pioneered by Dickie Goodman and Bill Buchanan where song clips replace soundbytes from interviews or dialogue.I downloaded this from AOL in the mid-1990’s, and I don’t recall who uploaded it originally.If you or someone you know created this, please let me know so that I may give proper credit.Thanks!

Gilbert & Montlick: “We Should’ve Called Them First” (circa 1992)

Early 1990s advert for Atlanta-area law firm Gilbert & Montlick. More ubiquitous daytime TV commercials.

Top 5 Things You Hope Your Children Will Learn From You

My friend Brian posed an interesting question to me as I liked a post on his Facebook feed. Always one to create thought-provoking threads in his feed, he tasked me with this query: What are the top 5 things you hope your children will learn from you. Of course, this was qualified parenthetically by assuming I have kids or plan to have kids. Since I don’t have kids, and haven’t made any plans to the contrary, I will endeavor to answer honestly by directing these life lessons to my nephews and my niece. My hope is to impart these ideas somehow, but it is easier said than done because I don’t see them often as we live on opposite sides of the continent.

1. Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes.

Diversity keeps the world full of flavor. Everyone is free to peacefully follow their bliss as long as that bliss does not infringe upon anyone’s right to life, liberty, property, or pursuit of happiness. We don’t have to agree with others, but we must respect their peaceable pursuits. We are all different. We all have different experiences and different strengths, but those differences—when united—make everyone stronger.

2. Stay curious.

Our world is one full of wonder, and there are always new ideas worth exploring. Never let anyone tell you what to believe, and never stop asking “Why?” Unquestioned authority destroys everything in its pursuit of greater authority.

3. Never grow up.

You will get older. You will take on more responsibilities. Never forget what it is like to be unburdened, take every opportunity to laugh and play, and above all just enjoy life.

4. Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb.

Sometimes life will conspire against you, and it seems like every step you take is the wrong one. There will be times where it seems like you have no way out. Just keep your eyes open and your wits about you, and you’ll find a solution. When all else fails, though, be ready to take cover!

5. Even heroes need help sometimes.

There will be those times that, no matter what, you simply can’t fix a problem by yourself. No matter what it is, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Pick up a strategy guide, phone a friend, or hire a professional to get it done. It might never be fully fixed, but you’ll gain insight on how to deal with it.