John Stahl on Weather Alerts

Tornado warnings spoil the twist endings in real life.

John Stahl

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Albert Einstein on Relaxation

I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs.

Albert Einstein

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Barbie on Lane Bryant’s “I’m No Angel” ad campaign

They have bellies like me, okay?!? They just wear it better.

Barbie Concepcion

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Steve Jobs on Entrepreneurship

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Steve Jobs, June 12, 2005.

Neal Boortz on Republicans in 2015

We have the lowest workforce rate in generations. People just aren’t even in the job market! What do the Republicans do to address this? They argue about whether homosexuality is a choice or not.

Neal Boortz

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Barbie on Furry Subculture

If I were a furry, I would think Fox McCloud is so hot.

–Barbie Concepcion

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Angelica Pickles on Hanukkah

It’s pronounced HRACHKanukkah. You have to HRACHK when you say it.

Angelica Pickles, Rugrats

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Paula Fendley on “Star Wars”

Where’s my–what’s it called–Vader Stick?

Paula Fendley

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Ronald Reagan on Diplomacy

Mr. Gorbachev, TEAR. DOWN. THIS. WALL.

–Ronald Reagan

Fred Rogers on Character

I feel so strongly that deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex.

–Fred Rogers