Now I Know Why Amy Winehouse Kept Saying “No, No, No”

It seemed interesting that Cumulus Radio in Atlanta (Rock 100.5, 99X, Q100, and 680 The Fan) would put together a series of live remote appearances with some local sports stars at a regional electronics and appliances retailer for a contest promotion. Well, perhaps not interesting in and of itself, but the timing was interesting in that the whole thing went down in the wake of the announcement to move the Thrashers to Winnipeg. Chris Thorburn and Eric Boulton graciously gave their time to meet and greet with fans who wanted to say goodbye and thank you for helping to legitimise hockey in Atlanta. The Thrashers tent consistently had people waiting in line for autographs and photos while seemingly no one cared about meeting Hawks or Braves alumni.

My girlfriend tells me that Thor is hot.

She also says that Bolt makes me look scrawny by comparison.

I kinda felt bad for former Brave Mark “The Lemmer” Lemke, as he looked a bit bored since no one wanted him to sign anything, but he was nice enough to sign a bunch of his bubblegum cards for me, and he’s not going anywhere, anyway. Thor and Bolt are picking up and leaving amidst much controversy that left die-hard, loyal fans hanging to dry, so it’s understandable that people would come out in droves.

Poor Lemmer, no one but me remembers who he is.

Anyway, I’m going to refrain from making this an article spewing hate for Atlanta Spirit Group, The NHL, and Winnipeg, because that’s a topic for another day. The point here is that I/we got to say thanks to our players, and get a souvenir of what could be the last time NHL plays in our city. In addition to getting my hockey stick signed, I managed to score a handful of prizes for being able to name more beers than anyone else. One of those prizes was a pair of tickets to see a band called Rehab at Wild Bill’s in Duluth.

They tried to make me go to Rehab, and I said, “What the hell?”

Now, with very few exceptions, most of my knowledge of “new bands” ends somewhere around the year 2000, and I’ve always had a sincere distaste for anything labeled “Rap N Rock.” That being said, I can say that the name of the band did not ring a bell when I got the tickets. I asked a couple of my friends if they’d like to attend, to which I got the reply “Oh, hells [sic] yeah! It’ll be redneck-tacular!” or something like that.

Redneck-tacular.

For the record, I’m no stranger to being “redneck-tacular.” A few weeks ago, we partied at The Star Bar in Atlanta’s Little Five Points district during their Bubbapalooza music festival: A twenty-year-strong celebration of all things rockabilly from hot rods to barbeque and George Jones to George Thorogood. (The Star Bar also maintains a small Elvis Presley memorabilia exhibit, in eternal tribute to The King.) I grew up in a somewhat rural section of the metro area–before it was truly suburbia—back when it was mostly cow and horse pasture; I like fried chicken and collard greens; and I even drink Budweiser on occasion while listening to Charlie Daniels. I’ve been muddin’; I voted against Roy Barnes because of “the flag issue;” and I own a copies of Smokey and The Bandit, Cannonball Run, and The Dukes of Hazzard TV series (but not season 3 because the hell with Coy and Vance). I must say, though, that in order for me to truly let loose and enjoy being “redneck-tacular” in public, though, usually requires like-minded company and copious amounts of a special elixir colloquially referred to as ‘Merican beer.

Which the Star Bar is proud to provide.

All right, so the stage is set: Mary, Jon, and I are going to Wild Bill’s for a redneck-tacular concert by Rehab—who, as I just found out, recorded the “Bartender Song.” You know, the one about the guy who sees his girlfriend with another guy in the trailer park, loses his shit, crashes said girlfriend’s car, and calmly waits at the bar for the police to arrive? That one. This will require more than the requisite pint of ‘Merican beer. We all couldn’t help but notice the gratuitous pre-gaming going on in the parking lot, so we walked across the street to the AM-PM in favour of purchasing cheaper beer rather than paying the often exorbitant costs associated with beer at venues. By “walk,” of course, I mean “sprint across the parkway at a full clip to avoid traffic because there are no crosswalks or effective traffic signals.”

This frog is actually safer than a pedestrian on Pleasant Hill Road.

Fast-forward a little bit, and we’re back at the car, each drinking a fo’tee of either Icehouse or Budweiser (yeah, I splurged an extra twenty cents and bought the Bud). Now, lightly buzzed, we were ready for whatever Wild Bill’s had in store for us. After all, with a name like Wild Bill’s, one would expect men in Stetson hats and leather chaps to be bare-knuckle brawling constantly, smashing whiskey bottles over each others’ heads, dropping wagon wheel chandeliers onto poker games, or some such nonsense. At the very least, one would expect scantily-clad women in stiletto cowboy boots cage dancing over a bar, like they allude to on the website.

Even Disneyland has cage dancers!

What we got was something entirely different: simply a large room with a stage on one end, a large dance floor, and a handful of small beer kiosks and bar tables that the other end. There were was a sculpture installed on one wall that looked like it had been built by Andy Worhol’s cousin from Texas (multi-coloured Stetson cowboy hats hanging in a large grid) and, opposite it, several acoustic guitars hanging in line behind a small bar. Let us not forget the brushed chrome, laser-cut stencil of what was apparently the Magnificent Seven hanging on another wall. I shouldn’t fail to mention the marble restroom décor complete with attendant. An attendant that would have probably offered to shake the last drop off for me in his desperate quest for tips. I honestly felt bad for the guy, but it was overshadowed by my disgust at this attempt to be a “classy nightspot.” The paper towel dispensers were, of course, empty, and I wasn’t about to wait in line to pay someone to dry my hands for me. Seriously, I’ve been to trendy clubs in Los Angeles and New York that had more authenticity and integrity. Wild Bill’s, I’m sorry, but you’re just the mirror location of Kennesaw’s Cowboys, and that’s all you ever will be—minus the “dust-sicles” hanging from the ceiling—so let’s not pretend we’re somewhere downtown, please? [EDIT: Apparently, Cowboys is closed as of sometime back in January.  I guess that goes to show exactly how much I really cared about that joint.]

[EDIT 1/4/2017: Cowboys is now “The Electric Cowboy”, one of a chain of such establishments across the South]

Even this place has a restroom attendant now. What the hell?

All right, about the show. We missed the first act, RITTZ, because we were still trying to get Jon to finish his fo’tee, but that’s quite all right. Just for the record, I checked him out online, and it’s everything I was expecting and less. In fact, I just want to tell Jon thank you for enabling us to miss one of the crappiest rap acts I’ve never heard of, and I’m from the 1980’s! Hell, I remember Blondie’s “Rapture” and the “Super Bowl Shuffle” in all their cringe-inducing glory!

By the way, Al Yankovic called. He wants his hair back.

When we finally got inside, though, there was an amazing band, fronted by this really hot chick simply wailing on stage. Very high energy players, great musicianship, dynamic vocals, and a lot of flash! The three of us were immediately pulled in, completely absorbed in this hard rock band that we had no idea ever existed! Turns out that this band, Needeep, is a local act that has, according to their Facebook page, opened for Motley Crue, Sevendust, Theory of a Deadman, Godsmack, Buckcherry, and Shinedown (among others—these were the bands I recognised)! It seemed like everything they did was pure showmanship, but it was backed by actual talent—which, it seems, is harder and harder to come by in the rock scene. Not only do their vocalists have some seriously trained pipes, their drummer slaps some mean rhythms, and their guitarist has even been known to play behind his head (a laJimi Hendrix). Needeep is a lot of fun, and the music is simply great.

Then came the headliner. After a fairly nominal set change (about 20 minutes), a small instrumental band took the stage, offering a rather hard-hitting cover of the “Mission: Impossible Theme.” On the last chord, a skinny hipster in aviator sunglasses, mint-condition baseball cap, blue hoodie, and cargo shorts took the stage across from some sloppy fat white boy in a matching baseball cap, oversized t-shirt, and cargo shorts waddling across the stage pumping his fist and yelling something unintelligible into his microphone. The Fat One stumbled over to the drum riser and set down his beer before starting the next song. Apparently, this was Rehab.

If you ignore the Fat One, the show started pretty decently, as far as this type of act goes. The hipster proved himself to be a formidable rapper, and, along with the instrumentalists, made a decent little “rap n rock” act—for what it’s worth. Then the Fat One stumbled around with his beer and overmodulated microphone rambling things that I couldn’t even understand. Then I heard the sound effects. Call me a purist, but I feel like prerecorded sound effects have no business in live music. They’re questionable on studio albums, but—and let me make this abundantly clear—have absolutely no place in live music. Putting in sound effects makes the performance sound fake, and, in my opinion, relegates the act to the ilk of Ashlee Simpson and Milli Vanilli. I was willing to be nice and emphasise the band’s merits, but it’s much easier to act like you have energy when you’re not actually playing your instrument. They were even wearing their own shirts! I mean, Rehab was wearing t-shirts from Rehab’s current tour! Didn’t these guys ever learn The Rules? You NEVER wear your own band’s shirts; you can wear shirts of bands you like (preferably unsigned bands, to help promotion), but you NEVER, EVER wear your own band’s shirt! Honestly, I haven’t seen a musical act that I despised so much since Bling The Children Back Home weaseled their way into a set list with the great retro-core acts The Neskimos and The Hill Valley Preservation Society! We ended up sitting through about fifteen minutes of Rehab’s bullshit before deciding to leave, hitting-up Face’s Lounge in Marietta for some good ol’ fashioned karaoke.

Pabst Blue Ribbon PBR beer can
And more ‘Merican beer!

Faces Lounge: “It’s All About The Love”

Aren’t videos fun? I’ve wanted to do a new video production for a while now, and while filming some colourful characters at a little bar my friends and I frequent in Marietta, I decided that this could make a fun subject for a video.  Thanks to Jon and Mary–who lent me the use of their phones after my battery died–I was able to capture not only some good B-roll, but some interviews with a few of the more colourful patrons of Faces Lounge as well.  Enjoy!

The Great American Road Trip (Part 1)

Westbound and down, eighteen wheels a-rollin’; we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.  We got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.  I’m westbound just watchin’ Bandit run!

Jerry Reed

For those of you who have not been following on YouTube (shame on you, go there now and click “Subscribe”), I’ve been assembling my video documentary for The Great American Road Trip piecemeal for your enjoyment.  In the meantime, I’ve also been working on a web design project that will bring in a little extra scratch and it’s all back to branding and selling myself in this lousy economy.  Carry on, good citizens!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Southwest Airlines, “Bringing the LUV”: A Strategic Recommendation Proposal

Author’s Note:  This was originally written and published as an academic paper early in 2010, before Southwest’s decision to purchase AirTran was announced.  The material exists as it was originally written with only images added for the purposes of this blog.

Hailed as a scrappy, start-up, small-market airline, Southwest Airlines has taken an unconventional attitude toward the air travel industry and turned itself into the most profitable company in the business. Throughout its history, Southwest has had to fight tooth-and-nail, quite literally, for its very existence. It’s this warrior attitude that has developed into a tongue-in-cheek approach to marketing and a vehement sense of doing right by the customer; which has, in turn, developed into a business strategy that has kept the company growing for over thirty years.

Since its inception, Southwest’s mission has been a “dedication to the highest quality of Customer Service delivered with a sense of warmth, friendliness, individual pride, and Company Spirit.” The company focuses on this mission through an extremely selective hiring process that ensures all employees fit within the corporate culture believing that truly fun-loving and spirited employees bring superior customer service through their inherent attitudes that are allowed to shine without the confining regulations and propriety that so many other airlines practice. Southwest employees routinely go the extra mile to help a customer because—by and large—they genuinely care about making people happy. Just as most other wildly successful companies, Southwest’s philosophy agrees that happy employees translates into happy customers and happy stockholders.

Plain and Simple

In 2004, when Gene Kelly took over as CEO from Herb Kelleher, he formally instituted the four factors and five strategic objectives that had become and, as he said, would continue to be the guiding principles of Southwest Airlines’ continued success. Hiring great people and “treat ’em like family” is the first factor which is illustrated through the airline’s extremely selective interview process and extremely generous wage and benefits schedule. Southwest employees have, on average, made more than their rival counterparts without taking massive pay cuts during hard economic times through a conservative financial plan as well as stock options that have grown as considerably as the company has over the years. Second, Southwest cares for customers “warmly and personally, like they’re guests in our home” because it only hires employees who genuinely care for people. Third, Southwest pledges to keep fares lower than anyone else through safety, efficiency, and operational excellence. The company’s 25-minute turnaround goal can only be achieved through efficiency and teamwork where ground and flight crews all work together to have a plane ready to board within the specified time limit. When faced with glaring safety violations tarnishing the company’s near-perfect safety record, Southwest acts with integrity by alerting and working with federal inspectors to make sure aircraft are repaired and maintenance is brought current—despite the possibility of fines and other potential penalties (lost revenue, for example), which is far outweighed by the potential company-ending disaster that could occur otherwise. Finally, staying prepared for hard times has helped the company weather the economic recessions and skyrocketing fuel costs. Southwest maintains strong liquidity and aggressive fuel hedging which keeps them afloat while other, larger airlines are haemorrhaging money, raising fares, declaring bankruptcy, and merging out of existence. Southwest’s five strategic objectives build and restate the four factors while adding the goal of offering customers a convenient flight schedule to places that they actually want to go. This has allowed Southwest to realise its goal of bringing the American public the “Freedom to Fly” almost anywhere, at any time, and for a low price.

Southwest had the second-lowest losses in Q4, and was the only airline on this list to turn a profit for 2008.

By utilising aggressive cost-cutting measures, such as their trademark no-frills flight service, point-to-point route structure, single-model fleet, and fuel hedging, Southwest Airlines currently enjoys one of the lowest operating costs per passenger seat mile—13.85 cents in first quarter of 2008, a feat that can not be duplicated by other airlines (the closest, America West, reports 15.58 cents per passenger seat mile). In addition, Southwest maintains large cash reserves ($16.77 billion in 2007) as compared to the industry average. The airline’s volume strategy of selling full planeloads for lower fares than selling fewer seats for higher prices has led to historically high revenues for the company as well, as less money is wasted flying full rather than empty seats. Not only boarding more passengers per flight, but also quicker turnarounds leads to more available seat miles, which, after filling those seats, leads, again, to larger revenues. These elements have put Southwest in a position of being, financially, the strongest airline in the United States as of the fourth quarter 2008.

Due to the nature of how it conducts business, Southwest Airlines enjoys many competitive strengths. The airline has enjoyed unprecedented growth since 1971 driven by a simple fare structure, low costs, and impeccable customer service. The company also maintains a fleet of one aircraft type, which saves on parts inventories and maintenance training costs as well as provides them with incentives such as volume discounts and flexible financing options. Strong, simple loyalty programs help to build lasting relationships with repeat customers. Southwest’s desirable corporate culture also makes it able to be highly selective during its interview process for new hires, making sure the company hires only the best of the best applicants.

One major weakness in Southwest’s product is its lack of seating options. Passengers must arrive early to be more selective about their seating arrangements, which may aggravate some passengers and turn them off to the experience. Because it only flies smaller Boeing 737 aircraft, cargo space is limited, and increased revenues from less price-elastic cargo transport must be foregone in favour of highly price-elastic passenger miles. Also, being reliant on one producer for aircraft creates some level of dependency on Boeing that may prove a strategic weakness if aircraft prices change. Southwest also does not offer any international flights, even to popular tourist destinations in Canada, Mexico, and the Caribbean—missing out on the very lucrative vacationing market segment.

Southwest has always been a leader in incorporating advanced technologies into their business model. The airline was among the first to utilise electronic ticketing as well as adding winglets to improve efficiency in their aircraft fleet. By continuing to seek advanced technologies, Southwest has the opportunity to gain significant competitive edges against its competitors during the adoptive phase of the new technologies (which can last upwards of ten years, in some cases). Southwest can also consider expanding into markets not already served by the airline, especially smaller markets in the southeast and central United States with little or no competition.

Several threats face Southwest Airlines, as well as their competitors. Chief among these is the price of jet fuel and other petroleum derivatives that are essential in aircraft maintenance. Currently, a slowing domestic economy has reduced the amount of leisure travelers while commute alternatives such as teleconferencing have reduced the need for business travel. Increasing federal regulatory action also threatens Southwest, especially in light of recent safety violations that caused a significant portion of the fleet to be grounded for inspections and repairs. Not only FAA regulatory action, but also ever-increasing demands for security protocols from the TSA threaten air travel by making it inconvenient for many people, either through outrageous screening processes or increased costs of passenger screening, which is then passed back onto the customer.

The bargaining power of the buyer in this market is quite high, as there are several options in each market on which a potential customer can choose to fly, and the services offered are relatively standard at this point. Typically, he who offers the lowest price is going to attract the most customers, which is where Southwest typically displays some advantage. In addition, the threat of substitutes is high as well for the same reasons—undifferentiated services and proliferation of competitors. Southwest has also set themselves in a situation where their suppliers have a high level of power as well. While maintaining a fleet of only one aircraft type significantly reduces the cost of warehousing parts and training mechanics as well as simplifying maintenance logistics, it puts all bargaining power in the hands of the manufacturer, Boeing. Any decision to increase prices of aircraft or parts can force Southwest to succumb to those extra costs under threat of grounding the entire fleet. Fuel suppliers also keep a choke-hold on the industry as a whole as they control the means of production (in this case, the distribution of fuel—without which, there can be no flights). However, Southwest has been able to mitigate the effect of fuel costs by their aggressive hedging strategy. Competitive rivalry is also quite high in the airline industry. There are many competitors and, such is the case in periods of slow economic activity, each one plays a price game to entice customers away from the others in order to keep their operations at sustainable levels.

One piece of good news for Southwest, considering Porter’s Five Forces model, is that the threat of new entrants is low. There is a lot of cost and capital investment associated with starting an airline, and, especially in periods of slow economic growth, the risk often far outweighs the reward. Established brand names—often legacy airlines—tend to survive the troughs better than small start-ups, especially when customers are not patronising as they do during peak economic times. Loyalty programs become paramount, discouraging changeover and promoting the strong brand names that already exist in the marketplace.

Southwest Airlines seems to be doing almost everything right, but, even still, there are two notable strategies that the company can implement for continued growth across all market segments. Currently, Southwest offers no partnerships with other air carriers for international or tertiary domestic markets. Southwest can “extend the LUV” to these smaller domestic markets by partnering with regional airlines that provide shuttle service to the larger markets. In addition, Southwest can partner with larger international carriers to enhance their global reach from entry ports such as LaGuardia (for European travel) and LAX (for destinations to and from Asia and Oceania). Such partnerships may seem counter-intuitive to Southwest’s self-reliant culture, but as the global community becomes smaller, airline partnerships will become inherently more important.

The other major consideration, and presently the most important, for Southwest’s continued expansion is the acquisition of rival airlines. This may be the most important step in enhancing Southwest’s domestic presence because it opens up previously-untapped markets to Southwest’s lower-cost, simplified structure. Utilising the company’s large war chest, motions to purchase AirTran or JetBlue can easily be made during the economic slowdown. Both of these airlines are of particular strategic interest because—by and large—they operate in markets that are not currently serviced by Southwest, including major presences in tourist destinations in the Caribbean and business travel destinations in Canada. Also of singular interest is the fact that both competitors operate a fleet of Boeing 737’s, which will—unlike Delta’s acquisition of Northwest’s “hodgepodge” fleet—ease transition costs by not forcing Southwest to retrain mechanics or attempt to unload unused aircraft inventory on an already saturated market as well as by keeping maintenance costs relative to the size of the fleet, thereby not negatively affecting overall costs per available seat mile.

A Nine Inch Nail Bomb at the Atlanta Olympics

Remember when Barney the Dinosaur planted a bomb during the Atlanta Olympics? Remember the Atlanta Olympics? Remember a time when we dealt with tragedy through humor instead of social-media slacktivism offering empty “thoughts and prayers”? Those were good times. Let’s bring back those times.

This is a novelty piece in the old “break-in” style pioneered by Dickie Goodman and Bill Buchanan where song clips replace soundbytes from interviews or dialogue.I downloaded this from AOL in the mid-1990’s, and I don’t recall who uploaded it originally.If you or someone you know created this, please let me know so that I may give proper credit.Thanks!